Let's talk boys...

 

xoxo

Quite romantic that title no? I can be quite the flirt~ 

Let's cut to the chase. As a baby in adulthood (upcoming freshmen in college) I have learned a thing or two about teenage boys. So without further aduuuuuuuuu, this post is mainly for my girlies still in high school and still suffering with the immaturity of these kids.

 

When it comes down to romance, I wasn't an expert in that field in my freshmen year. Actually, what makes this 10x's worse, is the fact that I went to an all girls school. Where my only options were...none. I am straight. But! Fortunately for me, I had my best friend at the time introduce to me to someone I will have soon learned my first lesson from. 

I was never allowed a boyfriend growing up, my mom would say that my uncle (Yes my uncle because I grew up without a father and he stepped in at some point to help my family) would get jealous or very mad. In which little tiny me, wanted nothing to do with that. I ran a strict program with myself and honestly, I don't regret it. 

This first boy, we'll just call him boy #1. This child (and I'm saying child cause we were freshly turned 15) had freshly broken up with a girl. So for the girls who think getting with a guy after he broke up with his girl is a good idea, this is for you! 

He was my first secret from my mother. I was never fond of keeping things from her since I never knew what he reaction could be. Looking back at it now, I regret not having said at least something. Would have prevented a whole lot of crying. But anyways, to get back on track, this child was someone I decided to NOT EVEN KEEP A RELATIONSHIP WITH BUT A SITUATIONSHIP!  I know, beautiful. Since I wanted to respect my mother's wishes, I decided to keep a situationship into which to my surprise, he agreed to. He thought I was cool and gave it a shot. Little did I know, this was not going to end well. He kept secret tabs on his ex and never reached out as much as I thought a boy who "liked" you did. It was very uncomfortable for me. I felt like I was spamming him at some point and always found him apologizing. When I decided to be open about it, he requested an understanding on my part that he had just broken up with his ex and a relationship in general wasn't something in the market for him. My next move was to cry and block him. Ladies, please, never waste your time with those kinds of guys...they aren't worth it.

Boy #2 was someone I ghosted for a whole year! I was yet again introduced to him by another friend. He wanted to become an engineer and I thought that was cool. By the following year, I decided to give him a chance. Unblock him, and talk to him like a friend. He fell pretty quickly and I did as well. Soon enough he asked me to be his gf and for the first time (yes behind my mother's back) I said yes. I knew deep down it was a mistake but I decided to give it a shot. We spoke through text for hours but when he finally wanted to do phone calls, his only responses to my life updates were "Thats crazy." I found this guy boring. None colorful. He had nothing good to say and I unfortunately had nothing good to think but a break up. My birthday was coming up and by this time we were going to complete one month of dating. Until he asked if I ever kissed anyone in which I said no. He continued to inform me of his unfortunate plan to kiss me on my birthday and I almost had a panic attack. A few days later, ladies and gentlemen (if there are any) I sent that iconic beautiful paragraph of a break up and headed to Macys to celebrate. 

I know it might sound evil, but in the moment, it was the relief of the century. 

Boy #3 was a middle school crush I had, to which I had gotten back in contact with. During my time dating Boy #2, Boy #3 was my friend. My best friend to be exact. He and I in short time had gotten close and saw we had a lot of things in common, but because I had a bf, he also kept his limits. When he found out about the breakup he gave it sometime. A few months later, we would flirt on the low but nothing obvious enough to let the other person know about what was in the air. When January came I pulled one move. "New Year, New Us?" for my surprise, his response was "I thought you would have never asked." and it was adorable. The first guy I could have a common ground with, laugh with, and just be myself! Or so I thought. 

Since I was in high school, I was still discovering the kind of person I wanted to be. And that included my clothing, how much makeup I put on or not. If I wore nails or lashes. Ladies it wasn't pleasant. And it wasn't pleasant for him. So for the girls who are with or want to be with a nonchalant guy, this is my experience with one! During school Boy #3 of what I was told, was pretty nonchalant  for the most part. He had a lot of friends but he cared too much about popularity. When he saw I didn't meet the requirements of "popularity" and instead found out I was getting bullied, he kept me a secret from his friends. All my friends knew that I had a bf. But his, found out when I texted him in middle of the bus. Conversations weren't pleasant anymore. When I would yap about something that I loved his response was literally "What are you yapping about?" Ladies, a guy who truly likes you, wouldn't do that to you at all. He never payed any mind to my likes or dislikes. Things were going down hill. That is until I finally transferred schools and met Boy#4. 

Boy #4 was a quiet kid. Well not really a kid, he was two years older than me and I was in my sophomore year. The way I met him felt like something that came out of a story book with an obvious ending. And I wanted that ending. I tell this story a lot to other people because unfortunately, it is my favorite story to tell. I hold onto to it because you might as well say, he was my first love. Yes, I said love. Out of all the guys previous to him, I just found myself bored and with barely any friends. They gave me the right amount of attention in the wrong times of my life. But now having gone to a coed school and seeing all the boys who could have once pushed my buttons while being in the all girl school, made me realize the difference between a friend and lover. And although Boy#4 was no lover of mine, the memory he left will always have a soft spot in my heart. 

(Thankfully he will never see this! Probably...maybe...hopefully...)

Although I was still with Boy#3, this new found Boy#4 made me realize #3 had to go. Boy#4 and I got a long quickly, for the first time I felt safe in conversation and heard. It was easy to approach him and to joke around with him. So I did the next big move and break up with #3. Did I give an explanation? No, no I did not. I blamed it on the "hardships" my mother apparently put on me. (She didn't put anything, she was my excuse). I honestly wanted nothing to do with number #3. He asked for changed, he wanted a different girl and the same girl at the same time, as for #4...he just wanted to be friends with the girl he met on a rainy day. Cute right? I thought so too. Still do. But anyways, a few months passed and since I found myself falling deeply in love with this guy, I told my friends I would make the first move. I had been making them since the beginning, it wasn't a surprise I would make them now. I asked for his number. He got mine, but I never got his, it was dismissal and he was in a hurry. To my unfortunate luck, we hadn't spoken for a month, not even a text. I found out that a girl I had barely even spoken to, told him my biggest secret..."This girl likes you." Ladies, never truly trust people until you actually get to know them! You never know who they can be friends with. 

While I was in the shower one day, I hadn't noticed that my phone was being spammed. Thats exactly right, spammed. Not by my friends, no, no, no. By the guy I wanted to hear from for so long. He was nervous through text (that much was obvious) and had requested an audience to meet at the school yard. In which we did and I was not prepared. For the first time in my life, I was met with rejection. He wasn't ready for a relationship and keeping the friendship was the best option. Except it wasn't. I didn't know how to approach him anymore. Everything felt ruined in a way. I cried for so long, I swear my tears lasted months! But I was stubborn and I kept texting him once a month to see if we were still cool and part of me wanted to feel like one way or another, that rejection wasn't as bad as I thought.

We barely kept in contact with each other for the rest of high school. And I say the rest of high school because he eventually graduated. And knowing I would never get the chance to see him again was the most painful thing I could have ever experienced. Even in conversations, he would reassure me in ways I never had any of the previous boys do. I could be as weird and quirky and never get judged. On the contrary, he would reciprocate it. In a way, he helped me rediscover my values, my self respect, the love I was supposed to have for myself since the very beginning. Even though we didn't talk much, the little I got was a life changing experience. But I feel as though my stubbornness killed it. I kept insisting on something I knew was never going to happen and eventually he got tired. 

Ladies never beg a man for anything, no matter how amazing he could be. If he needs his space give it to him, don't do what I did and scare him away. 

The day I told him "I loved you." was the day we stopped talking till this very day. Like I said before, he was my first love but he was also my biggest learning lesson. And something I don't regret happening, because without him, I would have never matured. So thank you to boy#4 but my mistakes with you is something I will never repeat again. 

We don't talk about boy#5 because he was a man child and coward. My biggest regret and mistake in life. 

The point of this post isn't to give you some gossip on my life but for the girls who are struggling in high school. Seeing that I went through quite the drama, I figured you can take a thing or two from my experience. Now, that I have graduated, I am boy free and peace has finally found me. I am more focused on my work and the happiest I could have ever been. I keep a small circle of friends who truly appreciate the person I have become and I move forward without looking back. Because what's the point? What happened in high school, stays in high school. And you'll understand that once you've graduated.